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[02 Sep 2009|06:19pm] |
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"for small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love." - carl sagan
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(:::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[03 Feb 2009|09:48am] |
some birds’ feathers are too bright to be caged
i know i’m not that colorful but a bird just the same
open up your gate now, let me put down my load
so I can feel at ease and go back to my home
take em away, take em away, lord
take away these chains from me
my heart is broken because my spirit’s not free
lord take away these chains from me
blah
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[14 Oct 2008|11:31am] |
school is coming to an end for me. i'm going to hurry up and try to get out of there by the end of the summer. as long as i pass my classes, i'm fine. i just need to be out of school now. the stress which is coming from me not being able to make myself give a shit is too much. so i'm just going to go with it and hope for the best. i don't want to work in any more labs. i just want to coast by and be a TA or something that doesn't require a lot of energy.
i biked 28 miles on the st. marks trail on sunday morning with bear (my aaron), the other aaron, and mattstache (he actually roller bladed the whole way). it feels good to be active. also, i'm probably going to arkansas with aaron during christmas. never been on a plane before, so i'm a little nervous but excited - and maybe i'll get to see snow? it's hard to believe it's been 8-9 months since aaron and i started seeing each other. time, time, time
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[16 Sep 2008|09:30pm] |
instead of studying for bio, we end up reading plant books and watching amateur porn
this is why amber and i should not study together
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[14 Aug 2008|06:26am] |
i like my body when it is with your
body. it is so quite a new thing.
muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . and eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new
-e.e. cummings
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(5 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[07 Mar 2008|10:01pm] |
row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream
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(:::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[25 Oct 2007|12:21pm] |
"in the ancient greek world, if you saw a bumper sticker that said 'smile, god loves you', it would not be good. in the ancient greek world, if god loved you, that was a prelude to rape" - quote of the day from michael in philosophy
it was cooold this morning (by cold, i mean 57 degrees). it's so hard to crawl out of bed with luke, especially when it's cold outside. he is a ball of heat, and i just want to stay with my head snuggled in his neck.
right now it's in the 60's and the sunshine feels good. i just saw matt and got a big ol matt hug. i can't have a bad day when someone with a southern accent says, "bye sweetheart".
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[10 Oct 2007|12:21am] |
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mood |
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i do my thing, and you do your thing.
i am not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
you are you, and i am i,
and if by chance, we find each other, it's beautiful.
if not, it can't be helped.
-fritz perls
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[08 Sep 2007|03:51am] |
i ate too little today and drank a little too much wine tonight.
i went on another semi shopping spree and scored on some shirts and the ugliest/cutest pair of shorts. i finally have clothes that aren't covered in paint or holes. i had some amazing baklava and have gone on a virginia slims lights rampage.
now, i just got back from partying at luke's with a band called the rentals. it was really fun - i met some new people, saw some familiar faces i haven't seen in a while. you know that game you played in elementary/middle school where you do this with your hand below your waist, and if someone looks at it, you get to punch them? this was played waaaay too much tonight.
summary: forever 21 kicks ass, the rentals are a cool band, the cheap wine andre needs to stay away from me, and my lungs hate me - but overall, a good day in the life of stacie
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(4 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| man is the only animal that blushes.. or needs to |
[06 Sep 2007|12:45am] |
i'm laying in my room... with my laptop. :) finally, i don't have to scramble around to finish my online homework/studying/whatever. it only costs me like $600 - and it's pretty nice. maybe next time my financial aid comes in, i'll be a risky (or compulsive) fool and buy my very first car?
i'm going to admit that today was a drag. i bought 2 pairs of shoes, a hoodie for january and february, a book of dali paintings, and a shirt, but i still didn't feel 100 percent. i have to stop freaking myself out about life after death and the world in general. i feel better right now, under a blanket luke left here. i've been forgetting lately how wonderful life is. worrying and wondering about what happens next isn't going to help me arrive at any conclusion because it's impossible. so tonight marks the night that i stop looking so much forward and just relax and laugh and love and learn and make my life experience amazing.. because being a human is pretty cool.
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(3 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[21 Apr 2007|02:29pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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my mom dancing on my dad to the beach boys
me: mom, you should come to a dance party with us.. if you don't mind pot
mom: i will!
dad: as long as it's good quality and they share it, i have no problem
waffle house breakfast with tom, super chill, whiskey, 2:30 in the afternoon, giraffe hat, sidewalk chalk, iga shirts, peanuts, bubbles, heading to the park with shiloh and steph. we are little kids again. what a fine day.
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(:::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| some carve their futures, others chisel it |
[11 Apr 2007|03:11am] |
steph and i went to the waffle house this evening and smoked with smitty, dave, and larry. we talked about the same things old southern men always talk about: noma, old army/air force bases, being overseas, lucky strikes, the weather, and wayne carey. except for larry... larry talks about anything, everything, and absolutely nothing (this is possible with larry).
adrienne, steph, and i impulsively drove to tallahassee to see everyone. marc, austin, amber, and luke (dave was sadly at work) were there, and it was fun. luke, adrienne, and i talked in the kitchen, and it reminded me of the fun we use to have at the beach house, in his old car, at the waffle house, on his porch, and uh in his bed. strange to think she is a mother - she has changed so much for the better. she's such a good mother. it has given her this unexplainable quality. before i left, luke and i hugged like we did the christmas break of 03 in the waffle house parking lot. yes, it gave me those same butterflies.
everyone was dozing off while i was driving on the lonely interstate. being able to look over and see almost every star in the sky and listening to sublime and hearing those girls with their sleepy sounds between songs made it so nice. when adrienne leaves in a few days, it's going to stink.. big time. i've never felt so empty when i think about her leaving. seeing her has done me so good with so many things, she doesn't even know. now i feel.. like "i will make it to the moon if i have to crawl" (thank you, red hot chilli peppers).
this is for shona since i might not be able to see her for the blood brothers show: http://www.stuffonmycat.com
( pictures from my journeys )
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(3 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| budding at my fingertips, touching you i start to bloom |
[09 Apr 2007|11:05pm] |
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music |
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jets to brazil |
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i woke up today to a phone call from a sweet luke. i went to the waffle house to drink sweet tea with smell good ben. amazing adrienne came over, and we went shopping at the piggly wiggly with ava. she cooked me a good, big dinner with a dessert. we saw a lot of people that we use to know. it's weird not knowing someone anymore. shiloh came over and so did ben. it was a nice semi-reunion.
adrienne, steph, and i drove to panama city beach tonight and layed under the stars. it was a van gogh sky, twirling, swirling clouds. stars began to peek through the clouds. i hate thinking that she will be leaving wednesday. it's going to break my heart. i'm going to have to be really strong.
my cat, ugly, is pregnant. i love the spring time, it's kitten season. it doesn't seem much like spring anymore with these overcast skies and cold nights. i miss the blue and green everywhere and the warm sunlight.
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(:::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars |
[17 Mar 2007|12:01pm] |
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mood |
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wonderful |
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( more old photos of the davis family )
amber, my parents, and i drove steph to chipola to see her off to london. i miss her a lot even though it's only been a few hours. i know she'll have a kick ass time running all over london and drunkenly singing tom petty at a karoke bar. amber and i, after only sleeping a few hours, stayed awake and ventured through bonifay with cigarettes and piggly wiggly sweet tea. the middle school, my grandma's old neighbor, the cemetary (finding names like mary laughter and rascal ratliff), old spots with former lover boys, dirt roads behind the waffle house, the methodist church, long conversations about adrienne and those former ones previously mentioned. in conclusion, i love amber.
my dad just came back from the catholic thrift store and found a cassette tape for my mom called "the ladies of the eighties". my dad and i were watching videos of brian jones from the rolling stones playing the sitar. "the only stones that are still around and rockin' besides the rolling stones are in the grand canyon", my dad is the coolest man ever.
now, i am going to pounce on luke to wake him up and cuddle, and then i am going to call adrienne and talk to her forever because i love and miss her and feel compelled to remind her of how important she is to me still. i can't wait until she is here. i am studying for all of my tests and all of the papers that are due around the time she gets here so i can just be with her and little ava and not worry about classes anymore.
i hope everyone feels good today!
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(3 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| no shirt, no shoes, no problem |
[07 Mar 2007|10:27pm] |
last night, i hung out with marc and luke. marc and i drove around bonifay smoking, and i remembered everything that makes me love this tiny, dirty town. i pretended to be in junior high again with absolutely no obligations and watched hours of my so-called life. after much pondering, i finally realized that jordan is jared leto (god, those greenish eyes, they get me). luke and marc are on a journey to opp and are bringing adamo back. i can't wait. we spent a few hours at waffle house (why would you eat your grits anywhere else??!). i stepped outside and smoked too many cigarettes and had some of the best conversation i've had in a while with larry. it made me realize that the brain is right for me. it feels good finding something that you really want to do. i'm honestly not worried about anything right now: money, studying for that big test on the the 13th, leaving/missing bonifay, anything. i just feel geninuely good.
however, i am becoming sleepy very early considering i've been falling asleep while the sun comes up. i like it though - i'm in the mood to just lay around half asleep and watch maybe some more my so-called life or some animal planet.
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(1 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| oh, the glory when you ran outside with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied |
[22 Feb 2007|03:35pm] |
my vivid, strange dreams as of lately:
-i am taking a shower, but instead of water coming out of the faucet, cards that look like trading cards begin to spill out of it. i see my friend lindsey's face (the girl i hang out with at fsu) and become curious. turns out that the "trading cards" were cards with info about iga's previous employees even though lindsey has never even heard of iga.
-i don't know why or how, but god lives inside of my mouth ,and i accidentally control bad things that happen to people i care about
-i am on a plane to nyc with brandi and steph. i am having a panic attack, and the plane begins to flip through the air. i close my eyes and wish myself out of it (and it worked). i open my eyes, and we are standing in the middle of vernon. we walk across town and find a greyhound station. there is a sick homeless man, and the workers there are treating him like shit. steph and i build a little tent for him to sleep in. we realize that we will no make it in time for something in nyc. we hop on the greyhound bus anyway to explore, and i see my parents' red taurus behind us, and suddenly, i want more than anything to talk to them. the greyhound bus stops at a gas station, and i run to my parents' car. when i open the door, they disappear.
amber and i went to a columbian girl named karla's house. we drank white mango tea and ate butter cookies, talking about buddhism and her life in columbia. she has starred in three student films here, and one was dominated for some big award in california. we smoked on her balcony while some kid in the next building played some bluesy tunes. i hope her and matt date and are happy together because i love being around them both so much - they have such happy spirits.
steph and brandi are coming for the weekend, and that also makes me happy. luke and i are going to take mighty naps after my last class. tomorrow, we will search for a kitty to adopt and maybe buy notebooks because we love notebooks. i have been feeling very good lately other than my weird, dali-like vision every now and then.
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[06 Feb 2007|06:23pm] |
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instead of studying, i layed on the lawn infront of landis green and soaked in the remaining sun. the sky was the same blue that it was the morning on the beach when i took that picture of amber. the trees aren't bare yet and probably won't be - they are a really pretty red. it seemed like a november day. to make my evening in the sun and grass complete, a strange boy sat down about 15 feet away from me and began playing the harmonica.
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[02 Feb 2007|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, "how good, how good does it feel to be free?" and i answer them most mysteriously, "are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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[01 Feb 2007|11:55am] |
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walking up a stair well on campus today, i noticed someone slapped a sticker at eye level that simply said "read chomsky".
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(1 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| i want sex on the beach, and i don't mean on the rocks |
[22 Jan 2007|11:02am] |
i feel like a little girl again - i'm awake earlier than noon, and my parents are watching green acres. today, i need to call miss sherron sloan and suntrust, head back to tallahassee, buy some clothes, and rest a whole lot. luke, amber, steph, ben, and my parents have been doing a good job at making me feel better. i'm glad i have them all in my life.
the night before last, i dreamt that i went back to dr. lucky green, and she gave me some powerade to drink. she said it'd kill me for fives days, but if i take it in a church, i will resurrect on the fifth day (this was totally from watching that documentary on jonestown). i kept seeing mrs. lauren, and i thought it was funny how when we were kids we'd play the recorder for her, but now i was sitting on a church pew, and it was like she was entertaining me instead. adrienne and krystal were there, but adrienne was in a wheel chair and krystal was pissed off about something. they were trying to rationalize the whole thing with me. i ended up laying down in the aisle and drinking it (hey, i really wanted to feel better), and i woke up knowing that i will never watch anything about jim jones before i go to sleep ever again.
i spoke with adrienne last night and heard little ava cry. it was such a nice talk. we talked about high school, when we first met, everything.
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(2 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| f. scott fitzgerald's 21 pieces of advice on living |
[13 Jan 2007|06:30pm] |
1. worry about courage
2. worry about cleanlines
3. worry about efficiency
4. worry about horsemanship
5. do not worry about popular opinion
6. do not worry about dolls
7. do not worry about the past
8. do not worry about the future
9. do not worry about growing up
10. do not worry about anyone getting ahead of you
11. do not worry about triumph
12. do not worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
13. do not worry about mosquitoes
14. do not worry about flies
15. do not worry about insects in general
16. do not worry about parents
17. do not worry about boys
18. do not worry about disappointments
19. do not worry about pleasures
20. do not worry about satisfactions
21. think about: what am i really aiming at?
although he forgot a few things not to worry about (such as the green stuff), i think this is very good advice. walking down the street and simply just looking around me - it's odd seeing all of the children i grew up looking after being almost as tall as i am. never really noticed until yesterday. i feel a lot better - the rest really helped. i am still coughing, but that's ok. shiloh and travis came to bonifay last night. we ate at the waffle house this morning and spent an hour talking and smoking in the parking lot. shiloh has a pet rat named amy that we have been playing with. burning bouncy balls, hanging out with fox and marc, laying in the grass.
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| easy as pi to the memory man! |
[02 Jan 2007|01:57am] |
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tonight, i watched this show called brainman on the science channel about a guy named daniel. he counted to the 22,514th digit of pi, and he can learn a language in a week. apparently he is a savant but is socially adequate. his amazing ability to calculate math problems and to retain so much information is due to something i'd never heard of called grapheme → color synesthesia (which is when people's perception of numbers is in colors or sensations).
studying people like him is what i want to do.
luke left for tally tonight because he has to work in the morning. steph, amber, and i had a blast at the waffle house just laughing and listening to joplin. adrienne called me upset because she doesn't want to be pregnant anymore. her due date was new year's eve, so she's basically just pissed that it isn't over yet. i'm going back to tallahassee tomorrow and getting ready to start the spring semester. the new year has started off well. lots of smiling and love. it will continue. :)
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[21 Dec 2006|01:13pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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i woke up this morning in a bed with two pantless dudes - luke and adam.. YEAH SON!! i am a lucky girl
luke and i picked steph up at the pensacola airport at 11 last night. almost immediately after, we drove to opp to see adam, matt, and ben. lots of fun and good conversation and smoking and drinking as usual. i love those guys so much. i love all of the welcome to the south signs and the cotton that wasn't picked blown to the side of the road.
although today is the first day of winter, it seems like the first day of fall. with the unkept lawns in bonifay, leaves are everywhere, and i looooove it.
agenda for today.. dothan? panama city? hanging out on the beach? seeing micah? the waffle house? and where is my ben harrison????? god, i'm so happy to be here and to be alive and to have all of these people in my life
today is my mom's 42nd birthday :)
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| yes yes |
[16 Dec 2006|12:22am] |
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mood |
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very much loved |
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when god created love, he didn't help most
when god created dogs, he didn't help dogs
when god created plants, that was average
when god created hate, we had a standard utility
when god created me, he created me
when god created the monkey, he was asleep
when he created the giraffe, he was drunk
when he created narcotics, he was high
and when He created suicide, he was low
when he created you lying in bed
he knew what he was doing
he was drunk and he was high
and he created the mountains and the sea and fire at the same time
he made some mistakes
but when he created you lying in bed
he came all over his blessed universe
-bukowski
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(3 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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| the hypothalamus controls the "four f's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating |
[05 Dec 2006|09:37am] |
brrrrr, it's cold! 39 degrees! i have two pairs of pants on, two shirts, and two jackets. i took a spoonful of nyquil last night and slept wonderfully and warmly. luke is my heater. i can't wait for this week to be over. i have two tests on thursday, and i'm outta here. i've got to study it up tonight and tomorrow. tonight, social psych night. tomorrow, brain and behavior night.
this morning in my music class, we listened to prodigy and the ramones, and i hid in the back of the class after everyone left to listen to the rest of halcyon and on and on. the night before last was spent reading old love letters (i still have every single one luke has ever written me) that i saved throughout high school. it's really cute looking back at this time three years ago. i think i'm going to write everyone a love letter tonight.
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(8 kept on :::::::: keep on keepin' on)
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yourcowboymouth's journal
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